My FASTer Way to Fat Loss Experience #LevelUp - Part TWO

I sort of left ya hanging there, but I really felt like this recap deserved two separate posts! Now where was I? Okay, okay, okay (Emmy says that all the time, so it's my new thing now).... let's just cut to the before and after picture...

YES, I definitely saw results and I'm SO mad at myself for not taking measurements once again. I feel like that information would really have come into play this time around because it seems like the entire composition of my body changed. Honestly, I'm not sure how well this before and after picture even captures any of that. I can tell of course by the way my clothes fit and I see more definition than I've seen in a long time, possibly ever. 

So real quick, just a little bit about the program. It is pretty extensive, there are a lot of ins and outs. I learned the basics right away and then expanded from there and I still feel like I have a lot of room for more growth and learning. FASTer Way to Fat Loss is very science based...which is part of what drew me to it. It was totally different from anything I've tried before and I was just SO fascinated with the concepts, and excited to see how my body would respond to the combination of intermittent fasting, carb cycling and counting macros. Especially after seeing Anna's results, I was PUMPED.

Intermittent Fasting

I had been unintentionally doing this for a LONG time and I knew this would be the easy part. I wasn't doing it EVERY single day, but my thought process was that if I could do it most days, then surely I could do it all the time, right?! An 8 hour eating window and a 16 hour fast. It sounds harder than it is but you're sleeping for most of it anyway. Basically I stick to eating between the hours of 11:30 AM and 7:30 PM. Is breakfast the most important meal of the day?! Turns out there's a lot of debate on that, and since I typically would force myself to eat an egg or a banana around 9:30, and most days I would forget anyway...it's not something that I missed! 

Carb cycling

Two low carb days followed by a pattern of high carb days (some higher than others) apparently turns your body into a "fat burning machine". There's much more to it than that but after reading up on it...that was my main takeaway. Since I had never done anything like that before I was all about trying it. PLUS, the idea that you're "allowed to eat carbs on such a high scale on some days was very intriguing. Talk about a major shift in the way you think about carbs! 

Counting Macros

I had been hearing about "macros" for a while and legit had no idea what it actually was. Turns out I did...it's just protein, carbohydrates and fats. Basically, you use the My Fitness Pal app to track the proportion of your intake of macros for each day. Depending on the day of the week, you're supposed to meet certain numbers for each. Again, this is just a very basic overview...but this is another thing I've never tried before and I was interested to give it a whirl. I also knew this might be the most challenging for me as I HATE measuring and I wasn't too keen on logging my food!

Workouts, Recipes & Support

When you sign up for the program you get access to a portal with workouts for every day of the 6 week program. They are broken up into either gym or home workouts which is nice. The type of workout is based on how you're eating for the day so it changes constantly. You also have access to some recipes, an online coach, and an online community with support so you're not doing this alone! I'm not a coach, but my friend Anna hooked me up with her coach Heather who was great (info linked below)! 

Okay, okay, okay...so that was a little bit about the program. Now here are my thoughts....

Pros

I LOVED the fact that there is a very clear set of rules! There is so much conflicting information, it's nice when you pick a program to stick with...you then have your guidelines, a staring point and you could just narrow your focus and get into it! I need structure, otherwise I'm all over the place. I was at a crossroad between paleo and plant-based...so you could see my overwhelm/confusion. 

Even though the rules are very specific, there is still a lot of wiggle room. If it fits into the macros for the day, you could technically eat it so you're not totally locked into a specific list of foods you can and can not eat (although there are recommendations). Anna described it as "you can eat everything...just not all at the same time". It's true. NOW, knowing this you obviously need to know which choices are optimal for reaching your goals and make your choices based on that. I'll talk a little more about this in the "cons" but my point is that you have the freedom to still eat whatever...there are no real "no-no's". Do with that what you will! 

Another major "pro" for me is that I NEVER got bored! I loved the fact that some days I was allowed to fill up on high fat foods like avocados and olives, then a few days later I was able to eat bread without feeling guilty! Even the workouts were constantly changing I never felt like I was doing the same thing. Of course there was some repetition but it cycled through the week in such a way that it felt like something new and interesting. Some days were high intensity intervals, there was some interval sprints, lots of strength training, and my fave...leg day! 

The support system and online group is fabulous especially when you're first starting out and learning the basics. Personally, I've done a lot of groups very similar to this (and even used to run them myself) and it wasn't the main reason why I signed up...BUT there's no denying that it is helpful and if you've never set out to do anything like this ever before then I highly recommend all the support you can get. 

Cons

I can not stand measuring. Helloooo, this blog used to be "Never The Same Spice Twice" for that very reason. In order to properly log your macros in the app, you need to measure, of course. I'm an "eye-baller" but I got over it pretty quickly. Still, it's not my favorite. 

Logging every little thing in the app is also a little annoying. I'm already on my phone quite a bit (workingggg on that)...and then throw this into the mix, I feel like it's constantly in my hand more than EVER. Everyone is sitting down for dinner, and you're over there plugging in all your food. It's not just annoying, at times it downright stresses me out, I've learned to be better about this by either planning ahead or just discreetly logging it when you don't feel like you're being rude. Sometimes you can't help it, and honestly it gives me slight anxiety! 

There is obviously room for error. It's not going to be 100% accurate, no matter how much you measure. At the end of the day if you're not scanning actual barcodes...things are going to get skewed a bit. As a bit of a perfectionist, I found myself getting hung up on precision. Eventually, I worked through this, but it's tough because you obviously want to meet your numbers and be as accurate as possible. I think when you become invested in something like this and you start seeing results you need to be careful not to become too obsessive. You just gotta do your best and not stress over it. 

Truth time....sometimes it's not the healthiest - at least for me I didn't ALWAYS make the best choices. This is what I was talking about before. I had days when I ate garbage food because I was either in a situation when I didn't have another option (poor planning on my part), allowing myself to be naughty on purpose because technically "it fit" for the day, OR just eating whatever I could get my hands on to reach the numbers I needed. I drank wine at certain times (prob in excess) or had spoonfuls of honey because I "needed more carbs". I also (more times than I'd like to admit) had spoonfuls of straight butter because I "needed more fats". Now, we could debate these things...I'm not getting into all of that...the point is that I found myself doing weird things and sometimes eating certain foods I may not have ordinarily eaten just to reach the daily quota. 

Okay this is going to sounds really bad, but I think I need to mention it. In the beginning I almost felt like I lost the joy for eating. I was truly eating for fuel and on the high carb days I felt SO stuffed that I didn't even enjoy it. This was in the very beginning and I eventually overcame this by being more aware on the high carb days to eat throughout the day so that I'm not cramming everything in at the end. 

Overall Thoughts

Even though it seems like I listed more cons than pros, I still HIGHLY recommend trying this program. It really works, and it didn't take long for me to notice changes! It was so bizarre because i was literally NEVER hungry. I honestly felt like it was too much food, and often questioned why on Earth was I eating so much!?!?! I was constantly being reassured..."yes, I know it's weird but stick with it, it works!!!" Many of the negatives I listed were part of the learning curve for me and as I went along, I've worked out some of the kinks and figured out how to better plan ahead. 

Soooo, what now?! I'm actually going to stick with it just a little bit longer. Eventually I'd like to shift to a new normal where I don't feel like I need to log my food and measure anymore but I probably will continue intermittent fasting and carb cycling. I'm also going to keep up the consistent workouts because...I'm kinda loving the fact that I'm starting to look as strong as a feel! 

Since January I've lost a total of 22 pounds. I swear I did not set out to lose any specific amount of weight. For me, it's just as much about feeling good and not all about weight loss. I'll probably do another post about WHY I'm up to all of this beyond the obvious. I've got some goals that extend beyond what I've done so far but in the meantime I'm just going to keep sharing what I'm learning. Stick around for more and if you don't already follow me on Instagram....click HERE! 

If you're interested in trying this program for yourself and need a coach...hit up my girl Anna on Instagram and she will get you all set up....OR, just click HERE to get started!

This post got a little long...I may have to do a part THREE...or just a follow up in a few weeks to talk more about how I feel, what I've learned, and give some tips for anyone starting out. Hmmmm. This is it for now, but let me know if you have questions!!!

My FASTer Way to Fat Loss Experience #LevelUp - Part ONE

Dear El + Em, 

In April 2019, Mama decided to try another new program. This explains the increase of lunges around the house and it especially explains why I was shoveling food in my face before 7:30 most nights. Thank you for playing nicely (some days) so that I could squeeze my kitchen workouts in. My hope is that you both grow up to value the importance of taking care of yourself AND that you're fortunate enough to have a squad of people supporting you too! 

XO, Mom

My Whole30 experience in January truly did set the tone for the year and kick start healthier habits. Or I should say, more CONSISTENT healthy habits especially in the nutrition department. I did reintroduce foods a little faster than recommended, however I was confident that I had no sensitivities. From that point on I was definitely more conscious about what I was fueling my body with and had a much better mindset when it came to sugar intake! I gained a little bit of weight back (which was expected) but I kept reminding myself that's not what it was all about. 

The truth is that I KNEW (we all "know", right) that if I wanted to continue on this path...it wasn't just about the nutrition...but I needed to be more consistent with my workouts. Exercise was always part of my routine but I had no set "plan". Since the start of they year I had been working out with friends every Thursday after school, but that was my only set workout day. I would do yoga and the occasional random workouts in between but there was no structure. By March though, I noticed I wasn't feeling as sore after the Thursday workouts which typically would cripple me until Monday - I had reached a plateau. 

Over spring break, I decided to hit the workouts HARD....at home and at my community gym. I promised myself to incorporate some type of exercise into my routine EVERY day. That sounds extreme, but if there's anything I learned from my Beachbody coaching days - it's that there are no excuses, and you can make time for ANYTHING.  About a month in, it was going well, but it was time for some structure, I didn't want to just "wing it" anymore . But what?! I had a few ideas but I was ALLLLLL over the map. And then in April, this beauty popped up in my insta-feed....

This is my friend Anna, she's one serious hot Mama! She was part of the Thursday workout crew and I knew she was doing the FASTer Way to Fat Loss program. She was trying to convince the rest of us to join her, but from the basics that I knew (or thought I knew) about the program....it seemed a little too drastic. Also, I was more into the idea of toning up and not loving the whole "weight loss" mindset. Honestly, it turned me off a bit. But then THIS! This photo and my incredibly toned friend had my attention, as did her results from her first 6 weeks.  It was time.... "FINEEEEE, tell me more"! 

I had been following Amanda Tress on Instagram for years, but turns out I really didn't know much about FWTFL at all. What is a "macro" anyway!?!?! The program is pretty extensive and I knew there would be a lot to learn but it was JUST what I needed. I needed structure and RULES! Intermittent fasting, carb cycling and counting macros...along with very specific workouts depending on how you're eating for that particular day - it doesn't get more structured than that. Two of my close friends decided to start along with me... support is always a good ingredient for success! 

At the start of the 6 week program (really 7 because the first week was "practice") I was SO excited to see how my body was going to respond. I had that pre-program high that I had at the start of the year. LET'S DO THIS! Time to level UP! Part two, coming soon! 

My Whole30 Experience #LevelUp

Dear El + Em,

In January 2019, Mama gave up eating your leftovers for the entire month. It was a very eye-opening experience. Lots of wasted crusts and half eaten chicken nuggets. It's no way to live, but the lesson is that anyone can do anything....especially for 30 days!

XO, Mom

My decision to start Whole30 on January 1st was somewhat spontaneous.  I had considered it, but didn't actually commit until a few days before. I try not to hop on the "New Year, New Me" bandwagon, because I do believe you can make the decision to make positive changes whenever. Like clockwork though, the indulgences from the holiday season were weighing on me in more ways than one...a change had to come, and what better way than to do something drastic, that had rules, and LOTS of support! 

I thought back to my Beachbody days and the fact that I had started 21 Day Fix in January of 2015. After Ella and before Emmy was the most fit I'd ever been in my life. I considered taking that route because "if it ain't broke"... but I LOVE trying new things and my friend Mal had peaked my interest in Whole30 during most of 2018. She was also prepping to do another round this January so I knew she was the one to ask! When she spoke about it being a way to set up for success in 2019... it was all I needed to hear!

From my research it was clear that this was not intended to be some "crash diet". Honestly, if my only goal was weight loss then this is not the route I would go. I'm careful to fully explain that it's also more than just a way to clean out your system and eliminate anything that may disrupt your digestion. It's also about your relationship with food, your dependencies on certain food groups, and your emotional ties to eating. 

The more I learned about the ideology behind Whole30, the more it peaked my interest.  I never really suspected that I had any sensitivities to certain foods, but after spending most of December feeling awful...it was worth exploring the possibility. PLUS...no counting calories and no measuring (sign me up)!!!! All of these reasons made it obvious that this was the way to go. My only concern was my birthday being SMACK in the middle. I put it in my head from the start that it would suck, but I'd just have to power through and have a part 2 celebration in February. Dragging my birthday into a second month kind of appealed to me on a whole different level. 

I had a little bit of knowledge on the rules but still there was a lot to learn! I decided to spend Sunday prior to NYE soaking it all in. I had grabbed the book and cookbook from the library, and went Pinterest crazy. My meals were planned, I stocked up on the basics, joined a Facebook group, and discovered a bunch of new Instagram accounts that quickly became favorites. This was happening, I was prepared for Monday to be the last "hurrah". A few peeps thought this was a little crazy, but not in an un-supportive kinda of way. Maybe just because they know how much I love food!? It was about the get interesting....
-No Sugar
-No Dairy
-No Grains
-No Legumes
-No Alcohol

Before I get into my actual experience though, let me just address one major thing....ALCOHOL. Soooooo, to me, this was the hardest part to commit to. I realize that may sound like I have a problem, but I l do love my wine! In fact, I probably loved it a little too hard in December especially. When I stopped and really thought about it potentially being a dealbreaker....it was obvious that maybe giving up alcohol for a month would be on the list of reasons why I should do Whole30 after all! Plus the whole concept of "Tiger Blood" had me wondering....how good is good? How good could my body possibly feel? Is it worth the hype? 

Okay, now let's get into it!

This timeline is actually VERY accurate! The book also goes into more detail on what to expect day by day. Here's a recap of my experience....

Week 1: The first two days were easy-peasy! I looked forward to sharing my meals on my instastory. My apologies for making you all endure a higher than average amount of food pics via my social media! By day three though, my stomach was not very happy and the cravings were INSANE! I don't even know what I wanted, but I kept going to the fridge and standing in front of all the non-compliant food that I couldn't eat. After a few days of this I knew that I'd have to plan even more ahead and make sure I had more options in those moments of desperation. My friend Lisa reminded me about Tazo Glazed Lemon Loaf tea. YES! This is just what I needed for when I thought I needed something sweet. Weird considering, I do not have a sweet tooth at all, but it helped A LOT! Another crazy thing I learned early on...the amount of times that I eat my girls food in just one day is SCARY. I was catching myself constantly! This was made even more noticeable because of the fact that I was home all week with them. It is very unnatural to make a cheese sandwich and not eat a slice of cheese! 

Week 2: Back to work! In a way this was great timing because it kept my mind off of the fact that the excitement of trying something new has totally worn off. By this point I'm totally noticing the absence of cheese in my diet. Breakfast was usually one or two hard boiled eggs with "Everything But The Bagel" seasoning from Trader Joe's and some sort of fruit. Lunch was always leftovers and then whatever snack I maybe needed to get me through to dinner. I tried to keep raw veggies on hand but it didn't always do it for me. You're not really supposed to snack, and even though I'm not a "snacker" to begin with I did make sure that everyday I had some emergency foods on hand if I needed. I had bags of raw almonds and dates. I also had some RXBars. I tried to space these things out and only have them as a last resort. By the end of this week I noticed that my pants were noticeably looser and I had lost about 4 lbs! You're not supposed to weigh yourself, but I did just to check in from time to time. I felt the changes happening and just HAD to know!

My birthday was GREAT! Everyone around me was totally supportive and was very careful to make sure they weren't tempting me with non-compliant food. My fruit bowl "cakes" really were delicious! If there was anything I was missing throughout all the celebrating, it was WINE and definitely not cake! 

Week 3: Tiger Blood is definitely a thing! By week three I was feeling pretty awesome. My energy levels were way up. Despite the increased energy it was at the end of this week that I really started to get a little bored! This is the point when I was definitely looking forward to this little adventure of mine to come to an end. It's not that I was being tempted by anything in particular, I was just over eating the same few things over and over. When prepping the meals and grocery list for week 4, I was VERY careful to make sure that the things I was planning included all of the things that I loved. It's possible that I spent too much time planning and was really over-thinking these things but at this point it was the home-stretch. 

Week 4: Something REALLY weird happened this week that I'm not sure how to explain. I just totally stopped caring about food. I realize that sounds pathetic, but I don't really mean it negatively. It just seriously stopped being the HIGHLIGHT of the day. In a way this is very freeing. I can now say that the term "food as fuel" makes total sense. The cravings were gone, even the little ones that were still creeping up from time to time. I also started to realize that I no longer felt hunger. My "snacks" weren't a temptation, in fact I sort of had to remind myself at times... "hey, you should probably eat something". If you're rolling your eyes at this point, believe me I would be too. It sounds crazy, I know. By the end of this week I did experience hunger for the first time in a while on Saturday when I was at a friends daughter's birthday party picking on raw veggies all day. Even though I was hungry it wasn't anything major which still struck me as odd. I did cheat that weekend and had some wine. I was perfect the whole time...it was almost over, what would be the harm if I had just a tiny bit. I did feel guilty, but still I have no regrets....the fact that I even made it this far was crazy to me. 

Last few days: I stepped on the scale again and realized I had officially lost TEN pounds! That's definitely more than I expected. I spent the last couple of days freaking out a bit about "what comes next". I had read up on techniques for food re-introduction but still was unsure about which foods I really couldn't live without. Beyond the re-introduction stage though, I was worrying about what my diet will look like post-Whole30. The truth is that I'll learn as I go. There's no set plan anymore...there are no set rules. What I need to do, is focus on all the "take-aways" from the program. 

-I can do anything for 30 days

-Food DOES affect my mood....increased energy is a game-changer

-Not feeling bloated is kind of awesome

-For the month of January I felt more mindful, present and just overall clear-headed

-There are so many wonderful clean recipes I've tried that I'll now include in the rotation, and I've also learned many ways to "clean up" a recipe to make it more Whole30 friendly

-READ LABELS

-Sugar is really in everything - it's horrifying

-There are so many Whole30 compliant foods that are already faves of mine (example...avocados, pickles & olives)

-Frank's Red Hot on all the things

-Ghee, almond flour, and coconut aminos...all new staple items that I'll continue to use

-I don't NEED a glass of wine to decompress after a tough day at work 

-Eating the kids leftovers and picking on food as I'm cooking, reallyyyy adds up...so STOP mindless eating

-My KICK-ASS meal planning skills were KEY in my success

These are a few things I've learned throughout the month. I'm sure I'll have more "take-aways" as I continue to introduce foods back into my diet. At this point I've re-introduced everything except for legumes. I'll save those for next week. So far, I'm not noticing any sensitivities. After the Super Bowl, I felt a little crummy - but I also loaded up on alcohol and cheese, so there's no shocker there! I'm back on the Whole30 train this week as I try to figure out what the new normal will be. Seems like an 80/20 lifestyle is definitely more in my range. Paleo intrigues me, but I'm not much of a meat-eater. Maybe I should go more plant-based?! See...I'm ALL over the map!!!!! I'll figure it out. I do want to keep up with a lot of the Whole30 principles as much as possible, and then not feel guilty when I do choose to indulge! We'll see how that goes! Here's the dreaded before and after...thought it was worth sharing!  

If anyone asks me if I recommend Whole30...first I'd say YES...and then I'd probably ask what their intentions/goals are just to make sure they have a solid understanding of the program and whether or not it's a good fit for them at the time. It's a commitment, but I definitely think it's worth it just to see how good your body is able to feel!

As cheesy as it sounds, I also have to mention how this experience also helped me realize how truly amazing my whole TRIBE is! Thankful for you all! 

Thanks for the inspiration, Mal!!! You're the best! :)

21 Day Fix *Results*

This is the wallpaper that I've been staring at on my phone for the past 3 weeks...

{via}

The results are in! It's safe to say that my first round of the 21 Day Fix with Shakeology was a success. I lost 5 lbs, 2 inches off my waist and 1.75 inches off of my hips. I didn't really have a goal "inch-wise" but I was hoping to lose 8 pounds. Regardless of not reaching that particular goal, I'm still very proud of my results. 

Week one was tough. I was sore for the entire week until I had an active rest day with yoga on day 6. By week two I noticed my endurance was a little better and I wasn't in a constant state of soreness. I can't say it was a breeze by week three, but I definitely noticed an increase in my strength. Certain exercises came a little easier to me, I was able to complete more reps and use my heavier weights (8 lbs) in some cases where I previously opted for the lighter ones (5 lbs). I liked how I didn't have to wonder which workout I would do each day, it was already mapped out for me. Three weeks however was enough for me. I started to get a little bored of it towards the end...I'm ready for something different. 

The meal plan was much easier than I initially thought it would be. Somehow I felt a little restricted in the beginning but the more I learned about it, I realized there actually is a lot of freedom. Now I have a much better sense of which types of food to eat, how much and how to spread it out throughout the day. They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit (get it), and I definitely believe this to be true. There isn't really anything I feel like I'm lacking. I'm not starving, I don't feel like I'm missing out. Snacking has never really been my thing -although I do when I'm bored and my diet is already spiraling out of control. The key is definitely planning it out and making sure you're working certain healthy foods into the day that you love. I feel confident that I could take it from here for a bit and not have to religiously count containers. We'll see how that goes for a while. I'm going to continue with Shakeology for a bit too. I'm thinking of doing a separate review - spoiler alert - it will be a good one!

I still haven't figured out exactly what my new plan is as far as exercise. I've been eyeballing PiYo, but I'm going to hold off a little longer and do some more research. In the meantime I'll still do my 21 Day Fix workouts, expand my horizons with the multitude of YouTube workouts that are available and utilize my gym on the weekends (the hours of the gym in my complex right now are terrible).

Forget the numbers on the scale! I feel fabulous because I know I'm doing something good for myself. The fact that my clothes fit MUCH better, my energy levels are up and my back no longer hurts me  24/7 is a pretty big bonus! Like I said from the beginning...I wasn't looking for a quick fix (for lack of a better word). I did this to jumpstart a healthier lifestyle. I'm pretty motivated to keep at it! Being part of a challenge group truly helped me stay on track especially on those nights when the last thing I wanted to do was hit "play"! Thanks to my coach Leah, my good friends Sherina and Rachel and all of the ladies in the January group for all of the support! Let's see how the next 21 day challenge goes! 

Check out my lovely 'Savory' Sponsor:

Lauren @ Lot 48 {Guest Post}

hello never the same spice twice readers!! i am lauren and i blog over at lot 48!! i blog about really anything that pops into my head.  you won’t find diy posts, fashion or beauty posts and you will rarely find recipes.  i like to blog about my life, entertainment and really just anything that is fun! 

but today i want to talk about loving your body.  loving yourself.  this is something that i greatly struggle with and i know there are a lot of women out there that struggle with it too, which is why i want to talk about it.  i want to help, i want to show you that you are not alone and that you ARE in fact beautiful and worthwhile.

year before last, before i got engaged, i was at the heaviest i have ever been.  i was disgusted with myself.  i hated myself.  i felt worthless, disgusting and gross all the time.  i had rolls of fat over every pair of pants i wore and i hated getting dressed.  i was so fed up with how i looked that i joined weight watchers and lost 16 pounds and got back to my “normal” self again.  

the thing with losing weight is you get really tired of sticking to such a strict diet.  my self esteem was so low and i was so convinced i was an ugly cow that if i went to the gym to workout and it was closed, i had a huge fit.  i had to work out 6 days a week!! i had to! i had a wedding dress to fit into!! i was NOT going to allow myself to look fat in my wedding pictures.  i was completely obsessed with my weight and when you do weight watchers, you weigh yourself once a week.  that day of the week when i weighed myself determined my happiness.  if i hadn’t dropped, i was in a horrid mood and was nearly suicidal i was so obsessed with losing weight.  even if the scale was the same, i would get furious and feel worthless.  once i started to really move along with losing weight, people started complementing me on how thinner i looked and people told me they could particularly see it in my face.  which is true, my face and belly and thighs is where the fat was.  it felt so good to hear people compliment me and notice that i had lost weight and worked so hard.  my self worth was completely dependent on what the scale said.

i have been married for 11 months and now weigh my “goal weight” that i was never able to achieve when i was losing weight.  i am at my goal weight, and i still think i am fat.  during the time of losing those 16 pounds, i was seeing a therapist for my self esteem, given how low it was.  he told me something that i think about often and that you should think about too: “it doesn’t matter if you lose every single pound of body fat and become skin and bone.  you will still find something wrong with you.  even if you lose it all, you will still find something wrong with you.  the issue isn’t losing weight, the issue is losing who you are, believing that you are worthwhile, despite what the scale says and that you deserve good things and to be loved.  you can always find something wrong with yourself.  you need to change the way you look at yourself.”  

i think about that often, and particularly now, i think it is so true.  i am at my goal weight and i still find things wrong with me.  my pants don’t fit anymore.  it doesn’t make any sense because i am at my goal weight but they are too tight!! the only thing i can think of is that i put them in the dryer too many times and they shrunk.  because it doesn’t make sense that i am skinnier than when i bought the pants, but they don’t fit.  

i want to love myself, i want to be nice to myself, i don’t want the scale to determine my happiness and feelings of self worth.  so every morning i say to myself “you are beautiful, you are skinny, you are worthwhile, you deserve good things.”  i am so paranoid when i post pictures that i look fat, but is all in my head!! i am beautiful!! i am worthwhile!! i deserve good things!! i am not fat!! my pants shrunk, time to buy new ones, who cares, it’s fine! it’s okay! 

and so what if you are bigger?  so what if you are overweight?  so what?  why should that matter?  answer:  it shouldn’t.  instead of making new year’s resolutions to lose weight, make a resolution to love yourself regardless.  to believe that you are beautiful regardless.  work on it with me!! pop by the blog and say hi as we work on loving ourselves together!